1 February 2014... Valentine's Day thoughts.

So… Valentine’s Day. Yip, it’s around the corner. I have a boyfriend. I should be all ‘lovey dovey’ and excited right? Well no, I’m not. It just brings back memories of last year and of probably every Valentine’s Day I've endured. I’m either alone or if I’m dating someone, the day usually turns out disastrous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a complete romantic but I just can’t get excited about Valentine’s Day anymore. I've only had one really great Valentine’s Day and that was many years ago, I think 10 years ago to be exact. Let me reminisce.

I was in college and dating the sweetest metal head. Valentine’s Day happened to fall on the first day of university that year and I decided to go old school romance. I had planned a picnic. He surprised me that day with a giant bouquet of yellow roses, a mixed CD with a heart cut into the case as well as heart and kiwi bird-shaped cookies that he baked himself. That still has to be the most thoughtful gift I've ever received from a guy. I got him a Metallica CD. My gift to him didn't even come close. We dined on my dry overcooked chicken, sipped on grape juice then we had Camembert and grapes for dessert and relaxed sprawled on a blanket under a tree in the science faculty gardens. That is a good memory. He was honestly way too good for me. I was young and couldn't really appreciate a love like his. We've lost contact understandably. I hope he forgives me one day for breaking his heart but he was never meant for me. He found the right girl in the end. He’s happily married now and I wish him all the happiness in life. I don’t have any residual feelings other than fondness but it’s nice to think back to happy memories once in a while.

I think I spent the next few years of my life paying for breaking his heart; karma and all that. Last year was particularly painful. I had been dating someone when I left South Africa and was in a long-distance relationship with him whilst I was in South Korea. I had just had surgery and was discharged from hospital a day or two prior to Valentine’s Day. I could barely sit up or do much of anything really but that Valentine’s Day I made arrangements with him to have dinner together over Skype. It would been an early dinner for him and a very late dinner for me due to the time difference. As sick as I was I prepared myself a nice dinner, lit some candles, put on my prettiest dress and did my hair and make-up so I would look nice for him and less like someone who had just had surgery. Anyway, he texted to say he’d be online shortly. I waited patiently. The time we were supposed to meet online came and went. I messaged, he never replied. I waited a long time and with each moment my heart broke a little more and more. Eventually I ate my dinner alone, took my medication and cried myself to sleep. I didn't hear from him for two months after. When I did, there was no explanation for why he stood me up on Valentine’s Day. I broke up with him by email not knowing if he was even alive because he had ignored my every attempt to contact him. I was very hurt but that’s the past now and I wish him well too. After that I picked up the pieces, hardened my heart and said never again.

Well, as you know that last part didn't work out because when I least expected it, when I thought I had ruled out love, it decided to sneak up on me in the form of my current boyfriend and the subject of one of my previous rants (http://rantingsofalostmind.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-28-years-old.html). We've been apart from each other for 5 months now, as long as we were together and against the odds, we are still going strong. I love him with all my heart and my sexy country boy loves me right back. (Insert massive grin here.) This will be our first Valentine’s Day as a couple but we are separated by a lot of distance. He’s in Alaska and I’ll either be in South Africa or Abu Dhabi. I wish I could plan something amazing and romantic to show him how much I care. I wish there would be a pretty dress, heels and perfume, a candle-lit dinner and dancing in his arms but that’s not going to happen. I know that so I’ll save that dream for a future Valentine’s Day when I know we’ll actually be in the same place at the same time again. As for this year, I guess it is just daddy’s birthday and my parents’ anniversary but nothing special for me. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn't add nor take away anything from the love I feel for an amazing guy and what he feels for me. I’ll just get myself some chocolate this year. There will be many more Valentine’s Days in my future to make up for all the ones of my past. So to whoever is reading this, may your Valentine’s Day be beautiful wherever you are and whatever your relationship status.

Much love.