11 January 2010

It’s a new year and a new beginning. I don’t really understand that phrase… how can the minute between one year and the next magically change everything and restore hope? Its bull to me but nonetheless I have decided to embrace the spirit of things and start this journal for my 2010 year which will document my attempts at fulfilling my resolutions and life in general. First and foremost, let me state that I’m not the most enthusiastic of people so I’m not going to be religious with this journal. I will write when I can and when I feel like it. There is no specific topic I plan to document apart from my resolutions so this journal will be general for the most part. If you’re reading it, who cares? It is not the diary of a 16-year old girl guarded with a lock and hidden in an underwear drawer. So sit back, buckle up and prepare to delve into my mind…

My name is Keri, or at least that’s what everyone calls me. I’m 24 and about to turn 25. Getting old is starting to scare me. I keep comparing my life to the milestones I think I should have reached by now and I keep finding myself lacking so I’m not going to dwell and depress myself. I’m a teacher. It’s a good job but not my passion in life. My passion is science, biology in particular. I harbour dreams of one day returning to study and then conquering the world of biological sciences but I know that in all reality I’ll settle down, have 1.5 children and then fade into obscurity. I’m not too big on dreaming anymore, it only leads to heartache. Wow, I’ve become quite the pessimist, haven’t I? Anyway my resolutions for this year are basically to rediscover myself. I want to be happy with who I am. I want to like who I am.

Firstly I’m going to work on my appearance. I want to lose weight. My ideal goal weight is 55kg so I have a fair amount of work to do to achieve this. I want to aim at losing about 2kg a month for the first few months and then work at maintaining my goal weight. I’m honestly tired of working my ass off to lose the weight and then just gaining it again when I stop. I also want to grow my hair but that means first cutting it to get rid of my split ends… an unfortunate consequence of an impulse colouring. NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT EVER HIGHLIGHT YOUR HAIR AGAIN! I’d also like to do the small things more often like painting my nails, having a facial, etc. I want to have time for myself. I’d also like to improve my frumpy image. This year I’ll buy nicer clothes and wear my contacts and make-up more often. To me, my personal dress sense is appropriate but others find it a bit Goth/punk and I've been criticized for that. So to avoid conflict, I’ve been letting myself look unkempt and dowdy and this has negatively affected my confidence. I used to be a pretty girl. Now, I don’t like what I see. My appearance projects a lot. I don’t think I look professional hence I don’t command respect from the children and my peers. I don’t mean to be shallow but in reality, a well groomed good looking person gets a lot more respect. From now on I will make my decisions when it comes to what I wear. I guess I’m taking back my self-confidence this year and I’m doing it for me, not for anyone else.

My second resolution is to improve myself as a person and to do this; I plan on furthering my studies. I’ve been half-hearted about this and I fear that applications for Honours in Education may have closed. Even if it is too late for me to go back to university, I will study something… maybe some part time courses. It’s on my 'to do' list. I guess I still have time to study if I don’t get to it this year. There will be no marriage and children for a few years yet.

My last resolution is to try and get my finances into order this year. I want to have at about R60 000 in the bank by the end of the year. That means I can’t be tempted to dip into my savings account any more. No more impulse shoe shopping. Iron Fist will lose a bit of business this year. Difficult but it has to be done. My aim is to stick strictly to my budget and to try and deposit at least 19% of my income into savings every month… Yeah, I know, a bit eager. I said I’ll try; I’m not making any promises. I also want to pay off all my accounts and keep them below a grand. It may be idealistic but I think I can do it.

So what have I done so far to attain these goals? Well, I bought some new clothes that are both stylish and functional. They weren’t expensive (keeping with the last resolution) but they were a start. I have also decided to start being healthier. I’m not going to diet. I like food. It nourishes and sustains me and I do not want to have negative feelings towards food. I will eat what I want, when I want but do so wisely and in moderation. I turned down trifle today. That’s a good first step. I’ve also started drinking a lot of water. It wasn’t by choice to be honest; I had to because of a bladder infection. Now that I’ve started however, I’m going to try not to stop. I will choose sugar free cool drinks when given the option and have wholewheat where I can. I will not deny myself carbohydrates but will control my fat and sugar intake. I will eat lean protein, fruit and vegetables to my hearts abandon because I’m not going to diet. Diets fail, being healthy doesn’t. I’ll also use the powerplate machine 5-6 times a week and try to do a workout 3 times a week for at least 15 minutes each time unless I'm sick, in which case the powerplating alone will have to suffice. I will also try to start some weight training, apparently it promotes fat loss. I’ve read 1.5 e-books on fat loss so far and the advice is realistic. So with my research done and my hopes high, the journey begins. Wish me luck.