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So… Valentine’s Day. Yip, it’s
around the corner. I have a boyfriend. I should be all ‘lovey dovey’ and
excited right? Well no, I’m not. It just brings back memories of last year and
of probably every Valentine’s Day I've endured. I’m either alone or if I’m
dating someone, the day usually turns out disastrous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a
complete romantic but I just can’t get excited about Valentine’s Day anymore. I've only had one really great Valentine’s Day and that was many years ago, I think
10 years ago to be exact. Let me reminisce.
I was in college and dating the
sweetest metal head. Valentine’s Day happened to fall on the first day of university
that year and I decided to go old school romance. I had planned a picnic. He
surprised me that day with a giant bouquet of yellow roses, a mixed CD with a
heart cut into the case as well as heart and kiwi bird-shaped cookies that he
baked himself. That still has to be the most thoughtful gift I've ever received from a guy. I got him a Metallica CD. My gift to him didn't even come close. We
dined on my dry overcooked chicken, sipped on grape juice then we had Camembert and grapes for dessert and relaxed
sprawled on a blanket under a tree in the science faculty gardens. That is a
good memory. He was honestly way too good for me. I was young and couldn't really appreciate a love like his. We've lost contact understandably. I hope he
forgives me one day for breaking his heart but he was never meant for me. He
found the right girl in the end. He’s happily married now and I wish him all
the happiness in life. I don’t have any residual feelings other than fondness
but it’s nice to think back to happy memories once in a while.
I think I spent the next few
years of my life paying for breaking his heart; karma and all that. Last year
was particularly painful. I had been dating someone when I left South Africa
and was in a long-distance relationship with him whilst I was in South Korea. I
had just had surgery and was discharged from hospital a day or two prior to
Valentine’s Day. I could barely sit up or do much of anything really but that
Valentine’s Day I made arrangements with him to have dinner together over
Skype. It would been an early dinner for him and a very late dinner for
me due to the time difference. As sick as I was I prepared myself a nice
dinner, lit some candles, put on my prettiest dress and did my hair and make-up
so I would look nice for him and less like someone who had just had surgery.
Anyway, he texted to say he’d be online shortly. I waited patiently. The time
we were supposed to meet online came and went. I messaged, he never replied. I
waited a long time and with each moment my heart broke a little more and more. Eventually
I ate my dinner alone, took my medication and cried myself to sleep. I didn't hear from him for two months after. When I did, there was no explanation
for why he stood me up on Valentine’s Day. I broke up with him by email not
knowing if he was even alive because he had ignored my every attempt to contact
him. I was very hurt but that’s the past now and I wish him well too. After
that I picked up the pieces, hardened my heart and said never again.
Well, as you know that last part didn't work out because when I least expected it, when I thought I had ruled
out love, it decided to sneak up on me in the form of my current boyfriend and
the subject of one of my previous rants (http://rantingsofalostmind.blogspot.com/2013/07/i-am-28-years-old.html). We've been apart from each other for 5 months now, as long as we were together
and against the odds, we are still going strong. I love him with all my heart
and my sexy country boy loves me right back. (Insert massive grin here.) This will
be our first Valentine’s Day as a couple but we are separated by a lot of
distance. He’s in Alaska and I’ll either be in South Africa or Abu Dhabi. I
wish I could plan something amazing and romantic to show him how much I care. I
wish there would be a pretty dress, heels and perfume, a candle-lit dinner and
dancing in his arms but that’s not going to happen. I know that so I’ll save
that dream for a future Valentine’s Day when I know we’ll actually be in the
same place at the same time again. As for this year, I guess it is just daddy’s
birthday and my parents’ anniversary but nothing special for me. There’s
nothing wrong with that. It doesn't add nor take away anything from the love I
feel for an amazing guy and what he feels for me. I’ll just get myself some
chocolate this year. There will be many more Valentine’s Days in my future to
make up for all the ones of my past. So to whoever is reading this, may your Valentine’s
Day be beautiful wherever you are and whatever your relationship status.
Much love.
